Texas Sayings Interpretation Guide

He’s on a first-name basis with the bottom of the deck.

There are a lot of nooses in his family tree.

So crooked that if he swallowed a nail he’d spit up a corkscrew.

So crooked you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going.

He knows more ways to take your money than a roomful of lawyers.

Crooked as a dog’s hind leg.

Crooked as the Brazos.

Slicker than a slop jar.

More twists than a pretzel factory.

Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks.

So crooked he has to unscrew his britches at night.

She’s more slippery than a pocketful of pudding.

He’s slicker than a boiled onion.

I wouldn’t trust him any farther than I can throw him.


She could start a fight in an empty house.

He’d argue with a wooden Indian.

She raised hell and stuck a chunk under it.

He’s the only hell his mama ever raised.

He’s got his tail up.

She’s in a horn-tossing mood.

She’s so contrary she floats up-stream.

She’s dancing in the hog trough.

He’ll tell you how the cow ate the cabbage.


He’s got a big hole in his screen door.

She’s one bubble off plumb.

She’s one brick shy of a load.

She’s two sandwiches short of a picnic.

He’s a few pickles short of a barrel.

There’s a light or two burned out on his string.

He’s missing a few buttons off his shirt.

The porch light’s on but no one’s home.

He’s lost his vertical hold.

He’s overdrawn at the memory bank.

I hear you clucking, but I can’t find your nest.

She’s got too many cobwebs in the attic.

Crazy as a bullbat.


This is hog-killing weather.

There’s only a strand of barbed wire between here and there, and it’s down (after a blizzard).

Cold as a well-digger’s knee.

Cold as a frosted frog.

Cold as an ex-wife’s heart.

Cold as a cast-iron commode.

Cold as a banker’s heart.

Cold as hell with the furnace out.


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From award-winning Texas author Cynthia Leal Massey



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