Texans Jack & Dodie

Reason #1: Think Twice About Moving to Texas

Imagine Dale Burnham’s terror that scorching July day when he was out in the wilds of Uvalde County, Texas. He came face-to-face with a monstrous western diamondback rattlesnake. Its coils were tightening like a deadly promise under the sparse shade of a mesquite tree.

Out there alone, mending fences with just a rusty hay hook and some spare wire in hand, Dale’s pulse raced as he locked eyes with the slithering nightmare, knowing one wrong move could end it all. But with raw grit and sheer willpower, he struck true, slaying the beast without a single fang piercing his skin.

Yes, if you’re considering  escaping from California, New York, Illinois, Minnesota, Vermont or any other liberal state, it is critical to know about the creatures that inhabit the Lone Star State.

Here is a sampling:

Shot her first gator
Common near Texas rivers and ducks
Bears are usually a few miles away from the Gulf of America coast. However, they can be found just about anywhere.
They usually favor backyards or apartment complex parkways.
ALWAYS keep your eyes on the road while driving, especially during the day.

If it’s not bears, be on alert for bison.
Dolphins usually start their migration on the San Antonio River in late March
Various and assorted cat species usually don’t come inside houses if doors & windows are secured.
They are more commonly found when you are walking to or from your pickup. You do have a pickup don’t you?
There are reports of some along good fishing rivers, creeks and beaches ⛱️.
But there are still good catches in less wooded areas.
Backyard night cameras help us learn about disappearing pets.
Never forget to look up.
Scanning for hogs is vital.
Coyotes troll for roadrunners day & night.
Did we mention the abundance of snakes?

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21 comments

  2. I lived in Odessa, Levelland, Andrews, Seminole, (and across the border in Hobbs). During my days as a Boy Scout, I helped hunt down rattlers that were just a little too close to the selected campsite.

    Regarding that one rattlesnake’s long rattler, you realize that they put on one button per year (one with each molting) and that they don’t molt until they turn two years old, don’t you?

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  3. With all of these pictures of these potentially-dangerous Texas critters considered, consider these points:

    1. If you give them a wide berth, they will likely do the same
    2. The more frightening animal resides in the liberal enclave of Austin

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  4. It’s true, humans are worse.

    When we lived in South Dakota, Dad used to come home from surveying with stories about rattlers like that, and the rattles. We have timber rattlers up here, but I’ve never seen one. And no alligators! Yuck. We have no dolphins; that’s so neat. But everything else? We live with them all. You can’t scare me, except for the snakes, shudder. But just imagine all those uninitiated types seeing their first snake lying in the puckerbrush on their first hikes into the glorious wilderness.

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  5. Years ago, I hitchhiked all over Texas. I usually slept outside someplace and I never ran into any serious wildlife situations.

    This happened near Hemphill, Texas:

    Bald Eagle Lands on Man’s Shoulder

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    I saw this in Range Magazine:

    WHAT’S YOUR CHOICE?

    CALIFORNIA
    The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.  A coyote jumps out and attacks and kills the governor’s dog, then bites the governor.  The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.  He calls Animal Control, which captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.  He calls the veterinarian.  The vet collects the dead dog and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases.  The governor goes to the hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and getting his wound bandaged.  The running trail gets shut down for six months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.  The governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.  The state Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.  The governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.  The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training for the nature of coyotes.  PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.

    TEXAS
    The governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.  A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.  The governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging.  The governor spent 50 cents on a .45 ACP hollow-point cartridge.  The buzzards eat the dead coyote.  And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.

    —Range Magazine
      Fall 2017

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    Reminds me of something that happened to me a while back. I was hitchhiking through Montana. I hitchhiked to Philipsburg. I walked to the other side of town and went to this gas station to get a cup of hot chocolate. It was wintertime. The sun was down and it was very dark–no moon.

    I began walking south on the highway that led to Drummond, Montana. There were trees on both sides of the highway. I walked maybe two miles and this deputy sheriff saw me and stopped to give me a ride. Just as I sat down in the back seat of the car, I saw the back side and tail of a mountain lion run past the headlights in front of the car.

    “Did you see that?!” the deputy sheriff exclaimed.

    “Yeah, it looked like a mountain lion,” I answered.

    I then said, “Do you think it was tracking me?”

    “No, I don’t think so. There is plenty of game around here.”

    The deputy sheriff drove me to Drummond and dropped me off. I slept at the rodeo grounds that night.

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  8. Most excellent. Reason #1 – and many more to come, I’m sure.

    Thankfully, we RETURNED to Texas after a long exile, so we were already well aware of the wildlife aspects. Don’t forget spiders, scorpions, centipedes, and fire ants – and the occasional killer bee or murder hornet; oh, and screw worms. Or are those part of a separate reason? Also, not just rattlers; there’re cottonmouths, copperheads, and coral snakes, too.

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  9. Here in Texas, around the Brazos River bend, those critters are just a nuisance, nothing more. Bears love sack lunches and Blue Bayou Dog biscuits, Bobcats like Friskies in a nice bowl, Mountain Lions like to sleep on our lawn, and those Rattlers make nice backup sounds when I’m picking my guitar out in the deep sage brush. Texas ain’t for sissies, or northerners, especially Californians.

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  10. Do mountain lions really sleep on your lawn? Here, I wouldn’t know if one was ten feet away, because of the trees; you generally only see them, or bobcats, or bears, or anything else, unless they actually come out of the woods into a yard or a pasture. Except in the Pemmigewassett Wilderness, where the bears track you down and take your knapsack and eat your lunch. Now, that list of insects and snakes, give me pause. Most of the New Hampshire ones won’t do much damage. We, to counter all that, have scads of snow, ice, and bone-chilling temperatures. But, I wouldn’t change it, and I guess Texans wouldn’t change Texas. It’s the soil that births us we love. And nobody’s going to change our minds, right?

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  12. I thought i knew a lot about dolphins, I do, but dolphins that far from the coast in San Antonio, blows my mind, amazing, you learn something new every day, hey Jack and Dotty here is something that might interest you, the left has been telling people That the Trump Administration has removed the whipped slave picture and other slave related information from National Parks, i looked it up and could not find much on conservative news, its all over the lefty news, seems like they are making things up again, check it out

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    • One of the tags for this article is “HUMOR.” My sense of humor is known to be sick this way. The only dolphins in San Antonio that I am aware of are at SeaWorld. Although I have seen a Dolphin float in a river parade downtown when I used to live above the Majestic Theater.

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      • I looked it up again and it seems like the articles are claiming there are dolphins in the river walk but they are at Sea World, i think they are trying to get more tourists there by bending the truth by saying there are dolphins their, they are there at Sea World, sounds like a leftist thing, bending the truth, how dare them

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