There’s little doubt about the fact that there is no immunity to tough circumstances. Everyone fails. And yet we tend to be our own worst critics.
While taking responsibility for our actions is a healthy practice, dwelling on our mistakes can be dysfunctional. It can hold us back from helping us achieve our full potential and unnecessarily negatively affect the body, mind and spirit. Rather than lying awake in bed, stewing all night about how you blew it, create a learning opportunity by searching for the lessons in your mistakes.
Cutting yourself some slack can be easier said than done. It takes willingness, self-discipline and the ability to “let go” of past transgressions.
Here are some best practice strategies:
1. Don’t do the blame game.
One of the traps that’s easy to fall into is blaming others for our problems — and this is the exact opposite of being overly self-critical.
🔹When we do this, we risk earning a reputation for being someone who can’t admit our own mistakes.
🔹This trait puts our credibility at risk, while courageously admitting and taking ownership of wrongs builds respect.
As you toil to avoid being too self-critical, also avoid the common temptation to blame others.
2. Stop replaying the scene.
After we’ve made a mistake or done something wrong, we often repeatedly replay the scene in our minds.
🔹While processing the event is healthy, obsessing over it is not. It creates undue stress, undermining mental and physical health.
🔹Consistently stay alert to when the mind’s negative movie projector starts rolling and find a positive distraction — quick!
🔹Shift your thoughts elsewhere: exercise, meditate, breathe deeply, call a friend, go get a glass of water — just do something to stop that brutal, cyclical thinking.
3. Forgive yourself.
Create an affirmation around your natural goodness because this, too, will enable you to move on. Use the mantra, “I forgive myself for letting down the team. I am a capable leader.”
4. “Confess” to a confidant.
If you’ve made a mistake or failed in some way, sometimes just discussing it with an unbiased confidant or mentor helps. Not only does sharing our humanity with others make problems easier to bare, but it also opens the doors to fresh feedback, insights, solace and even solutions.
5. Go a little easy on others.
We all know the people who are hardest on themselves are often harsh on those surrounding them. Curb your critical tendencies toward others. Think before you speak, be a little kinder and quickly forgive others.
6. Lead by example.
When you start taking a less critical approach — be it with yourself and the team that surrounds you — the impact on others will be infectious, and they’ll be less harsh on themselves, each other and even you, too.
7. Love the lesson.
When it comes to being critical of yourself, remember, your weaknesses are opportunities for building strength and smarts. Every failure is a chance to learn a lesson. Make lemons into lemonade by discovering that lesson, taking corrective action, and then celebrating your victories and successes.