One of my favorite books is The Noticer by Andy Andrews. Here are ‘JackNotes’ on this remarkable wisdom.
Most folks figure a true friend is someone who accepts them as they are. But that’s dangerous garbage to believe. The kid who works the drive-through at your local fast-food restaurant accepts you for who you are—because he doesn’t care anything about you. But a true friend brings out the best in you. A best friend will tell you the truth and a wise best friend will include a healthy dose of perspective.
All people—all lives—are either in a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or headed for a crisis. Things aren’t as really bad as they seem. Ever! You aren’t really that different from a billion other people. But you lack perspective.
Four Dialects of Love
There seems to be four major dialects that we use to convey and feel loved. There are combinations and subgroups but basically four. None are right or wrong, it’s just only the dialect they understand.
- Spoken words of approval.
- Favors and deeds.
- Physical contact
- Love expressed in quality time (together).
We grow up expecting everyone else to be just like us and they aren’t, so we don’t necessarily know this.
The Past
Some children of alcoholics may feel like losers because their parent(s) were drinkers. But they weren’t alcoholic because the child was a loser. But that is all in the past, so quit dragging this thing around. It’s time to stop letting your history control your destiny.
It’s really not that big of a deal anymore. It’s the past.
Worry and Fear
There are two things you need to know about how you feel and one thing you need to do.
The first thing you need to know is that you worry—or feel this crazy fear—because you are smart. I’m not being condescending. This is truth. The dumber folks among us don’t worry much. They may not be afraid of much.
Smart people are generally more creative and imaginative than dumb people.
Smart people can get tripped up with worry and fear, but worry and fear are just a misuse of the creative imagination that has been placed in each of us. We start to imagine and create things that could happen, that might happen, that will happen if this or that happens. Sometimes you might scream fire when there isn’t even any smoke.
The second thing: The easiest way to defeat the doubts and fears is with logic. And you can use logic because you are smart.
- You think the way you do because you’re smart.
- You have to defeat those thoughts with logic.
40% of the things you worry about will never occur.
30% of you the things you worry about are things that have already happened—in the past! All the worry in the world isn’t going to change what’s already happened.
12% Needless imaginings about our health. My daddy had a heart attack at age 44 and I am 43. Oh my! My leg hurts. I must have cancer.
10% are worries about what other people think. We can’t do anything about what other people think.
There is only 8% left for legitimate concerns. But….these legitimate concerns are things that can actually be dealt with.
Most people are so concerned with the 92% of things they can’t do anything about, or control, or change, that they have no energy to deal with the few things they can actually handle.
Gratitude
Leave a pad and pencil beside your bed, and when you wake up, grab it and take it everywhere with you for the first 10 or 15 minutes of your morning.
On the pad, list things in your life that you are grateful for. You can list names, objects, feelings…anything. Remember to list clean sheets and a roof over your head—knowing there are millions who spent the night without either.
Be generous and creative as you list the many things you have to be grateful for. Don’t be shy about writing the same ones down every day. And WRITE them down. Thinking about this will not do the trick. It’s your own imagination with which you are doing battle.
Many people who worry too much say that they cannot focus—that it costs them their jobs and relationships. That is incorrect. A person consumed by worry can focus. Worry IS focus. But it’s focus on the wrong things.
From this point forward, now that you can calculate the odds, you will focus on what can be controlled. And you will no longer be sad or worried. You will be grateful. The seeds of depression cannot take root in a grateful heart.
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Thanks for your notes (aka encouragements) on Andy’s book.
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This statement of Andy Andrews’ in your JackNotes says so much: “It’s time to stop letting your history control your destiny.” His advice on how to foster a grateful heart is another of his many fabulous pearls of wisdom that you shared. You’re right-Andrews’ insight is remarkable. 🙂
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This is pretty sharp. The one that particularly hit home was the one about forgiveness, trust and respect, because I am dealing with those things over something right now. Forgiveness is the easy part. Trusting and respecting in the full measure I did before, I can’t do right away, and it made me see I can quit kicking myself around for being unable to. God is working in each of us at the right pace, and it will come out right, but this helped: it’s not all on me. Thanks!
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Absolutely. I agree it’s a challenge for me too.
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