Attitude

How to Win Friends and Influence People–Part 1 JackNotes No.3

JackNotes are summaries of wisdom.
Executive Summary of the Dale Carnegie classic

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

Six Ways to Make People Like You

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people
  2. Smile
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong’
  3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
  4. Begin in a friendly way
  5. Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives
  11. Dramatize your ideas
  12. Throw down a challenge

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offence or Arousing Resentment 

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
  5. Let the other person save face
  6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise’
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

Most people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.

Criticism is futile and dangerous. It puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. And it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

People learn faster and retain knowledge more effectively when rewarded for good behavior than punished for bad behavior. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.

Anyone can criticize, condemn and complain. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

The only way to get a person to do anything is by giving them what they want.What do most people want?

Health, food, sleep, money, sex. Almost all these wants are usually gratified – all except one: the desire to be important.

How do you make people feel important? By appreciation and encouragement.

This desire is what makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children. If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character.

Know the difference between appreciation and flattery. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.

Flattery is selfish and insincere. It’s cheap praise. You tell the other person precisely what he thinks about himself. In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good

Appreciation is unselfish and sincere. It happens when we stop thinking about ourselves and begin to think of the other person’s good points.

Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,’ and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime – repeat them years after you have forgotten them.

Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Of course, you are interested in what you want. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want.

The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

This does not mean manipulating someone so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment. Each party should gain from the negotiation.

 

Part 2: How To Win Friends and Influence People–Click here!

Part 3: How To Win Friends and Influence People–Click here!

3 replies »

  1. I love Dale Carnegie! I read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” right before I transferred schools during my senior year in high school and let me tell you! It changed my life. I went from being bullied at my old school to being very well-liked at my new school. I couldn’t have found the book at a better time!

    Liked by 1 person

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